For Better, For Worse

Since the breakup of my marriage three years ago, I've lived one year in hell, and have spent the past two years trying to break out of that hell.  Yes, me, the strong, independent, smart woman that I thought I was, was down for the count for a full years worth of 'rounds'.  No boxing ring involved.....no bell....no referee.  Just me and this 'fear' thing hanging on my back, that wouldn't let me rest without having nightmares and panic attacks every single night. Yes, I paid dearly to ComEd for my electric bill...I couldn't sleep without the light on, or multiple lights and a TV, too.  I was always afraid!! Never did I think 'he' would leave me to deal with Multiple Sclerosis alone, $20,000 a month shot costs, lesions, spinal cord problems, yadda yadda yadda....yet he did it...left me high and dry. 

What a relief I was given at my 30th year High School Class reunion last October when I was granted freedom from that whole 'hell' thing I was living through. 

Yes, imagine it like this:  your soon to be ex was your high school sweet heart, you've been with him for 32 years, AND even worse, he brings his live in girlfriend, whom was an old friend of yours and also a classmate at our high school, to the reunion.  Ouch. It was brutal.

Anyway, I was so blessed last year, that a wonderful and STRONG group of girls from high school rallied around me for months prior to the reunion.  They were like Angels that came to rescue me, and I saw them as such!!  They were in a pretty pink box, wrapped up especially for me.  The gift tag read this:

Especially For Sonya

I love you!

Love, God

So, now as we all go through some really rough waters with health issue's, I am reminded of the blessings of these girls.  One of them is healing from a nasty surgery weeks ago to remove large fibroids, another is having some financial problems because of job losses, and yet another is in a terrible Rheumatoid-Arthritis flare up.  When I say flare up, those words don't even compare to what my friend is going through!  Feet that are so swollen she cannot put on her shoes....hands so swollen that she can't bend her fingers....and incredible pain that even morphine won't dissolve it.  I cry when I think of her pain! 

So, I'm on a mission to learn about Inflammation and Auto Immune Disorders, and what role our diet plays in the onset of these disorders.  I've stumbled upon so many great websites and blogs with some great sounding recipes and idea's, that it's almost over-whelming.  HOWEVER, it appears that our SAD (sad American diet) plays some huge vital roles in how we feel and IF our bodies get ill and diseased.  It's information that's definitely worth reading for me. 

After all, even though the 'ex husband' didn't play true to his vows of 'for better or for worse', these girlfriends of mine have walked the walk, and held my hand through some whoppers....so I will read as much as I can to help each of these girls in some small way.  Knowledge is power.  Yup, we're gonna get us some power.  :)



 

The First Time.....ever I saw your face.....I felt the earth, ughhhh...

Yes, this is how my brain automatically thinks.  Everything is in song form.  Each time I start a thought process, it ends up with some silly song that I've heard before and then the darn song plays over and over again and again in my head until a new song appears.  I wonder if this is a 'disorder' listed in the Psychiatrist DSM Index ?  I'll hafta check that one out sometime and get back to ya on that.  I also wonder if I'm the only one that 'thinks' like this.  Don't get me wrong...I'm not 'weird' or anything.  I just wonder at times if my ever so slight musical background genetically predisposes me to think in 'song form', ya know?  Maybe a little?  (ha, if you only knew how slight that background was, you'd say nah....it don't!)

So, anyway, I wanted to warn any future readers that I actually do have several diagnostic disorders, really I do (!) and they may at times warrant you to try to decipher what I'm actually writing in a blog post.  One thing I've been diagnosed with is Multiple Sclerosis.   For me, it's a funny disorder that prompts me at several times during the day to actually laugh out loud at myself.  Yes, at least I'm entertaining to myself and that's a good thing!  If I'm not flubbing up the words that are coming out of my mouth, I'm bumping into something, or tripping over my own foot, a symptom of MS called foot drop.  Basically, your foot isn't picking up off the floor as it should, so your toes, which usually come up off the floor first during a step, well, they don't.  So you end up tripping over your own toes.  I do that almost daily.  Sometimes I'm lucky and fall into something that is soft and plush or catch myself on a wall, and other times I don't.  I fall down, and then as I lay there on the ground I try to figure out if I'm actually hurt, if I should cry real tears because I am really hurt....or if I should repeat that infamous commercial.  You know the one...."Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!"  (Sorry...I honestly don't mean to make fun of anyone...only myself.  )  :-)

So, this blogging thing for me isn't really 'new' , so to speak.  I used to blog daily.  Matter of fact, I was proud of the readership I had back in those days.  Many things were different back then, too.  I was happily married during those days to my high school sweet heart, which apparently, won't be the case anymore as of next week.  The big 'D' is supposed to be final in a few days....or so I'm told. 

Also, back then, I was in pretty good health and on a quest to get to the healthiest place I could be, physically speaking.  Then MS struck....all hell broke loose, and here I am....five years later, almost divorced and learning new things about life, being single, being single and broke, being single and disabled, and being single.  Ahh...being single.  Quite a weird feeling for a girl that has been in a relationship for 3/4 of her life!  Truly it is quite weird!

So, if you'll hang with me for a while, you might be entertained by me, like I'm entertained by myself.....you might learn some new things about this life we're living by another person's wacky viewpoint....or maybe I'll learn something new about this life we're living from you, the reader.  After all, sharing is caring, doncha know?  And I'm trying to learn this time around to be less selfish, more giving,  less negative, more appreciative,  less angry,  and really, to take much more time to eat chocolate.  After all....life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you're going to get.  Eh?  ~~hugs~~